Fourth year with all this.

Leaving PSBB was like a bad break-up. Took me months to get over it. And to top it, joining NLS was an awful follow on. Almost four years have passed and things have changed a lot with me. A lot. Some of it for my good and some for the bad. I have become very arrogant but the good part is I am not as stupid as I used to be. One more good thing is that I can now talk about anything with confidence and it wouldn't matter to me if I am making sense or not. Yeah of course, you can call that over-confidence. Nothing takes me over these days. Nothing scares me. Nothing threatens me. I have become ultra-flippant. Almost fifty papers and fifty presentations, five internships, countless exams, one lousy CGPA and a CV that would fetch me no job- all look petty now. I don't know if that is any good sign. I don't care about anything. I don't even know if I mean anything when I say I have an ambition. I mean I do have plans like I want to earn a bunch, travel a lot, pursue dance religiously, get my parents everything they sacrificed to bring me up and buy a beach house on the East Coast Road but I am not doing anything towards realizing them. One day I tell myself I must pursue higher studies in UK and the next day I want to join IIM. And a few days later, I want to take up bharathanatyam. I have even wanted to write the Civil Services and just be a house-wife on the very same day. I swing my ambitions like how Javagal Srinath used to bat! At least he did it with only his right hand, leaving his left hand to defend his skull. But I am afloat and have my hands full of things that don't match! Wait. Look at the way I am talking about my ambitions. Once again, I am very impressed with myself. I repeat I don't care about anything and I am living up to it. I think I am going to be this for the next eleven months. And then when I am finally thrown out of this place, I will get back to this post with an update that I hope to be something positive.