I never really understood why we have friends- Just to go out for a coffee? To sit and chat for ours with? To share things with? To expect them to help you out when distressed? Or above all this can you also expect to talk to them about whatever you want without being judged? I guess this is not something you can expect. No matter who your friend is, expect to be judged for every word you say. After all friends are just normal people who hang out with you. And you too must go ahead judge every single act of your friends'. If he calls you a bitch, take offence to it and call him a bastard. Then and there. If he asks you to shut up, don't shut up even if you have to. You ask the person to shut up. Whatever be the circumstance i.e. even if your friend is dying in emotional crisis, you must be bothered about your ego, your self-respect (which was never meant to be hurt) and your life. If your friend says something even slightly rude when in some trouble, you must overlook the problem he is going through and shout at your friend. What is the need to adjust? What is the need to recollect instances when your friend might have borne the brunt of your temper just because you were in some trouble? Especially some instances when you went your way to help and got it back. How does all that matter? You must show it back now. Its a cool thing to do. Run after it. Period.
Apparently, this is how it works. Sadly, I just realized it. A little too late. But yeah, I have learned it now. I might not agree with it but it is something I need to do to be normal. Learned the art of just showing it on the person. That is to say if I have a friend who comes to me with a problem and says something even slightly bitter, rude or sarcastic, I will pounce on the person pretermitting the possibility that he might have done it solely because he was in some discomfort and did not intend to hurt you. This is how a human mind should work. It must take cognizance of every single word your friend utters, store it in and vent it out at the right time. The right time does not mean your friend should be happy and smiling. It is preferable to show it when he is complete hardship. It is so cool, right? Try it and tell me how it felt. I just hope I can at least try to be good at it because I usually suck at handling people. Either I am over-friendly or over-hostile. :)
Apparently, this is how it works. Sadly, I just realized it. A little too late. But yeah, I have learned it now. I might not agree with it but it is something I need to do to be normal. Learned the art of just showing it on the person. That is to say if I have a friend who comes to me with a problem and says something even slightly bitter, rude or sarcastic, I will pounce on the person pretermitting the possibility that he might have done it solely because he was in some discomfort and did not intend to hurt you. This is how a human mind should work. It must take cognizance of every single word your friend utters, store it in and vent it out at the right time. The right time does not mean your friend should be happy and smiling. It is preferable to show it when he is complete hardship. It is so cool, right? Try it and tell me how it felt. I just hope I can at least try to be good at it because I usually suck at handling people. Either I am over-friendly or over-hostile. :)
6 comments:
krithi...dunno if this kinda links to sum blog of mine...thou i partially do disagree with u on this 1...u gotta speak ur mind out sumtimes..ive learnt that 2..
hey! even i disagree with it! thats why i have mentioned that though this is not how it should happen, in reality, this is how it happens. :)
Such self-righteous angst..misplaced..yet wonderfully eloquent...makes rationalizing one's actions so much easier na? U can always say "Hey she did that on Saturday, so i'll return the favour on Monday!"
When one's entire behaviour becomes retaliatory, it's time u think...am i monkey??!
Oh! It reflects here too. I don't know if my angst is misplaced or your understanding. Its not exactly "Hey she did that on Saturday, so i'll return the favour on Monday!"...It is rather "Hey! we are friends and it happens to all of us all the time. You understand me n be with be n I will, in any case, be with you."
Shouting doesn't mean insulting all the time. Because if it is so, then your larynx would have died a torturous death long ago!
But may be its new to you. New to have understanding people around. I get it. But try and be more understanding. You will get returns multiplied!
I don't think it has to be that way man..In factI haven't really come across such a point of view. At least personally, the only time I am bitter towards a friend is when that friend hasn't been good to me or 'been there for me'. I do set a lot in store for such things and especially, if I have been a good friend to that person by listening, counselling etc., I hate being ditched. Your theory I think might be quite law school centric, for the simple reason that familiarity breeds comtempt, and in law school, eveyone is invariably suspicious of the other person! I have a new theory on friendship altogether though..For the past few weeks I have reached the conclusion that the institution of friendship, or at least close has practically lost its relevance. It may or may not be law school centric but I intend to elaborate on it in my blog sometime. this is not a cheap tactic to get you to read my blog of course, thought you might find it interesting :D
i get it. i dont think it has to be that way but to see it happen more often than not, it really sinks in...and then you begin to wonder if it really is to be that way. but yeah. all said and done, i dont think it should be that way even if i see only that.
also. do write about it. i read your blog anyways! :D
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